12/29/2004

In the midst of all the tragedy this week it seems almost trivial. What's the death of one American actor when over 80,000 lives have been lost in an instant? But every life lost is worth commemorating and I sure loved this guy.

Jerry Orbach died today at the age of 69, one month after being diagnosed with prostate cancer.

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posted at 2:19 PM

Dear Dolly Madison,

Thank you so much for producing "Dunkin-Stix Breakfast Treats." Although they leave a chaulky aftertaste and they make me cough something awful, dipping them in my coffee makes them tolerable. I don't know what I would do without their addictive sugary goodness.

P.S. Is there a secret to cleaning "Dunkin Stix" residue off the bottom of my mug?

Dear Coca-Cola Vending Guy,

We're out of Dolly Madison's "Dunkin-Stix Breakfast Treats" in the break room. Bring more by 7:30 am tomorrow morning. Please don't make me resort to Frosted Honey Buns.

posted at 11:17 AM

Yesterday was a sad day. As I was scurrying around trying to leave work to get on with my mission I dropped my mug on the tile floor and it shattered into many, many pieces. That's what I get for trying to be a good person by washing the coffee ring out of my mug every evening. You'll remember said mug from my December 2nd post as it was the sole decoration in my cubicle. What was worse was our publisher was walking around the corner when it happened.
"Well I hope that wasn't your favorite mug. Heheheh," He said as he breezed by me on my hands and knees.
I muttered a "What can you do" as I swept up the pieces in my hands. But you know what? That was my favorite mug you big jerk!
This morning I went online and bought the exact same mug. I will not feel complete until it arrives. Why? Because I'm lame that's why. I'm lame, and I'm a klutz.

posted at 6:49 PM

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Crazy Cat Woman is really starting to get me down. She's starting to get Chris down too because he sure is tired of hearing about her and her crazy cat loving ways.

So here we go, reasons P is driving me crazy:

- The first day I started working here she handed me an Avon catalog. Every day since then she asks me if I had a chance to look at it. "Oh I left it at home", I say because I'm nice and can't tell her that if I wanted low quality tacky trash I'd go down to the dollar store and pay a lot less for it. "Oh that's okay," she whispers, because that's what she does, she whispers...and then she gives me another one. I currently have 7 Avon catalogs in the floor of my car.

-She likes Christmas almost as much as she likes cats. Yesterday she spent her entire 4 hour shift outfitting our office for Christmas. She stores the decorations in huge boxes under her desk all year long waiting with baited breath for the day she can finally pull them all out and annoy the ovaries out of us. She's also a big fan of the "All Christmas, All the Time" radio station, which she enjoys playing way too loudly so that everyone can take pleasure in the latest festive pap from the American Idol gang.

-She communicates with post-it notes. Even when I'm sitting at my computer she'll write me a note and stick it on the edge of my desk. I hate that.
-Did I mention P's a whisperer? Also she's hard of hearing. Maybe she's so afraid of being a loud-talker that she over compensates. H says that she's not so much deaf as she has selective hearing so that she won't have to work as much.

P stands by her desk decking the halls with cheap plastic garland. Her phone rings.
Marissa: P, your phone is ringing.
P: silence
Marissa: P! Your Phone is ringing!
P: humming carols
Marissa: walks over to P Your phone is ringing!
P: You can answer it if you want.
Marissa: But you're standing ri...
P: You know, you're allowed to answer my phone Marissa.
Marissa: You're standing right next to it!
the phone stops ringing

argh. My supervisor says it best..."P just needs to put that crack pipe down and walk away."

posted at 1:36 PM

1. Typing Obits- It's surreal when you open up the packet from Walker Funeral Services and a picture of someone you know is looking up at you. It didn't feel real, just another ad that passed through my hands. It makes me feel removed from a life outside these walls, a town we don't know because we're too busy writing about it. Life and death only happen so we can pay our bills.

2. Work Stations- I have graduated in life to cubicle status...or a third of a cubicle really. I employ the use of a schmancy G5 and have a phone with 8 lines and speaker capabilities AND I actually use both of these features (I've only used up to three lines at a time, any more than that and my brain would explode). On my third day here, someone asked when I was going to start the process of cubicle (cornericle?) decoration. I told her I had brought my coffee mug and that was most likely the extent of it. She seemed...non-plussed. The lady next to me, P, has decorated her space in a cat theme and has already put up garland and tinsel for christmas. I figure she's done enough for the both of us especially since her gigantic mutant house plants invade my minimalistic third-a-cubicle utopia.

3.Coworkers- My supervisor takes pleasure in telling people that they're on crack. All. the. time. i.e. "Kara DeAnn! You're on crack!" or "Chris must really be smokin a lot of crack today if he thinks we're going to do that!" She's saying it! She's saying it right now! Oh, I wish you could be here.

4. Advertising Crack Heads- 90% of the time, the declaration "*blank* is on crack!" is aimed at the advertizing crew. H likes to make them cry when she shoots down their pathetic requests. Then they stomp away in fits of silent rage only to come back in an hour and sheepishly apologize while staring at their shoes. It's fun to watch. We're mean to them because they need us like water (most of them are actually pretty cool but all are still subjected to accusations of heavy drug use. The company really needs to step up on their violating but oh so neccessary random drug screenings).

posted at 9:58 AM

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