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I don't want to go home tonight. I want to go out , go to Chris' house, sit at a table at the Rainbow until the sun rises and it's time again to go to class. I've developed such a tight schedule of where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing that when my day is over I don't know what to do with myself. Sleep seems like such a waste of precious time...time I could use to finish art projects, build web pages or spend time with friends that I get to see so rarely these days.
I miss the park and long hours spent on dorm porches. I miss hats and pillows and inside jokes. I hate phone cards and the automated voices that dictate when your call is over. I hate being 8 hours away from where I know I should be. Two more years of this...sigh....
It's not so much about being a "girl" either. I have my own identity, my own life, and part of me even enjoys being apart. It gives me free time and space to fill with work and school instead of "us time." It allows me to get to know myself better in his absence while still feeling "secure" knowing that I still have someone who loves me and is there for me. Even so, on nights like this, I wish more than anything to have him back here with me.
Last year, without fail, he would pick me up whenever I was working late. I can almost hear his old defeated car in the drive, his knock on the door and his shuffle on the cold tile floors. Maybe that's what I'm waiting for.
posted at 11:23 PM
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